mjolnir_retriever | (no subject)

Tulio tends naturally to caution-- they've gotten some loot, better hide in their room until they can find a way to get it out.

Buuuut, he also tends naturally to a touch of greed. They've gotten a little bit, but they can definitely get more. And the idea of spending a bit more time in the main bar area is something that, for once, he and Miguel can both agree on. So the table and sign are still up.

And hey! Here's biceps guy back again!

(And somewhere behind him, unnoticed in the crowd, is a slim brown-haired woman with keen eyes and no particular expression.)

Thor, however, has a particular expression. It's peeved.

He strides forward to stand before them: broad, tall, feet planted, hammer at his belt, gleaming armor and rich cloth. "You are no agents of the Landlord."

"Wh-- what?"

His eyes go wide for a moment, but then he wheels around and turns his expression of shock on his partner. "You aren't an agent of the Landlord?!"

Miguel has been getting a little bit sleepy: he's had quite a lot of something the bar called pizza (yummy!) and then quite a lot of cherries jubilee (also yummy!) and if we're being scrupulously honest here his head has been drooping over his lute and his playing has gone all lackadaisical.

But now he leaps to his feet! "What? You call me a liar???" He'd caught Tulio's tone more than the conversation, but that ought to cover whatever's happening!

Edited 2017-01-18 19:04 (UTC)

"I do! I do!" Tulio cries, leaping to his feet. "You lied to me?!" And now to Thor: "He lied to me!"

...What.

This is -- almost certainly not legit! They're lying liars who lie and the fundamental the Landlord doesn't do this and didn't warn us of it objection remains. Although Thor doesn't have as much experience with this tactic as you might think -- Loki would think of it, but no one else in Asgard is likely to readily play along -- so there's that seed of uncertainty.

"Come now," Thor rumbles.

"You have both lied to all of Milliways."

"And you call me a liar? Will no one stand to defend my honor?"

HOW VERY DARE EVERYONE!

He's been backing and circling, a dramatic hand to his chest, now he pauses, draws himself into a swordsman's stance next to Thor, facing Tulio. "If no one has the courage to defend an honest man, I must defend myself. I set aside my beloved lute, I set aside the trappings of peace; you will pay for this slight with your blood--" There's a weapon at Big Shiny's belt: Miguel snatches for the hilt.

it's not a sword

it might be an anvil

....it might be two or three anvils.

uhhhh Tulio, the diversion is over to you

don't laugh tulio don't laugh don't laugh

"See how his guilt bears him down!" he cries, flinging his hands in the air. "See how his weapon becomes as lead in his hand! This is the judgment of God!" He points an accusatory finger. "He is the liar!"

Yeah, well--

well--

well he's gonna catch Tulio's eye and duck down and to the side, and with just a little bit of luck Tulio has room to get around the other side of Big Shiny

Oh yes he definitely recognizes that that is the cue to RUN.

Man it's tempting to say that it's the judgment of A god. If only he weren't awakened to a sense of responsible forbearance about that stuff these days!

(It's still really tempting.)

Instead, he absently grabs Miguel by the scruff of his shirt(s), one-handed. Keep on tugging futilely on Mjölnir if you want to, Miguel!

To Tulio, "Do you say that you are sent by the Landlord?"

Thor Odinson Has Doubts.

--Aaaand he's running. Yeah, okay, doubts confirmed! Come on, guys, he was giving you a chance to be honorable and dignified and stuff. Instead, Miguel gets tucked unceremoniously under one arm while Thor lunges in an attempt to collar Tulio too.

The scruff of his shirt, that he's used to! Getting tucked under someone's arm, that hasn't happened since he was a small(er) Miguel! So there's a moment of astonishment.

And then a flurry of kicking and flailing. It's possible he tries to bite, and gets a mouthful of wrist bracer. Ow.

Tulio can be a speedy little bastard-- those long, skinny legs are good for something-- but even he can't outrun an Asgardian, so-- whoop, yep, shirt collar. He's been here before, too.

Some of those kicks and bites are enthusiastic enough that they may well leave bruises. (Not the bite to the metal vambrace or the red not-actually-wool underneath, though. Sympathetic ow, man.) Thor will regard these bruises as signs of some valor!

However. He looks from one to the other.

In a disapproving (one might even say thunderous) tone, he demands: "Can I trust you to stand now, if you give your word, or must I hold you both?"

Come on dudes it's dishonorable and insulting for him to even have to ask that!

That said: if they can't be trusted to stand still, there are coathooks to hang their shirts from riiiight over there. It will be less dignified for all concerned, but Thor's okay with that.

"Yes?"

The answer to a question that starts "Can I trust you..." is always yes. Come on.

But while he's dangling under Big Shiny's arm and regretting his bitey life choices, Miguel might as well satisfy his curiosity. "...Also, how does that hammer thing work?"

Yeah, that's super convincing.

"Mjölnir chooses its wielder, and will answer only to a hand it deems worthy."

It's undignified to be smug about this, but that doesn't mean he isn't, even if it's moooostly masked. His hammer is awesome, okay.

"Worthy, or just freakishly strong?" Tulio mutters. Then, louder, "Alright! You can put us down. We won't run."

...unless he looks like he's going to put that hammer to use. Then they're definitely going to run.

Thor happens to be both! :D

Anyway, he sets them both down. On their feet and gently, even, and takes a step back as a gesture of trust.

(It's trust backed up by the fact that he's freakishly strong, fairly fast, and has an X lurking in the crowd as back-up, of course. But he would like very much to have the trust justified, all the same!)

"Let us start again," he says, because Thor is at least good at being magnanimous in victory.

"I'm Thor, Odin's son, and I have sworn my services to help guard the safety of everyone in this meadhall."

Oh, fine.

Miguel is good at looking gracious in defeat--or something. Anyway, after sidling back up to stand with Tulio again, he lifts his chin and looks tolerably regal. (--or something.)

"A fine, noble calling," he allows.

"Quite," Tulio agrees.

Thor waits a moment.

"...And you are?"

Okay, Tulio at least introduced himself earlier, but possibly he'll give a different name now! Let's see. And blond guy was too busy playing his lute(?) and then posing.

Oh. Right.

"We are Miguel and Tulio." You've heard of them, right? No? Sigh. "From Spain," he adds, less dramatically.

So it actually was his name. Half a point to you, Tulio!

"I am from Asgard," Thor supplies. "Not on your Earth."

Sometimes it's weird to be where not everybody knows your name and face! He gets that.

"We are all the Landlord's guests, here. Outside rank and history doesn't matter. All are guests alike, under that hospitality. You understand that impersonating Bar authority in order to defraud fellow patrons is neither honorable nor allowed."

"It was worth a try, though," Tulio mumbles, mostly for Miguel's hearing.

"And it's not as if we--" Ehhh, there's probably no point in arguing. He clears his throat. "Can we throw ourselves upon your mercy?"

Thor could argue that it breaks the rule about outside business, and will if he has to! If he doesn't have to, however, he's going to rely on come on, guys, you know better rather than opening the door to rules lawyering.

So he smiles faintly.

"You can. It's a first offense, and you're new."

"Dishwashing or cleaning stables?"

Tulio looks to Miguel. Neither? Neither would be good.

Really, though, they're not bad at all compared to some punishments they've been threatened with.

Hey, yeah, where's the stocks? The flogging? The branding? The public hanging?

This place is great!

Er, ahem. "...Staaables? We can do stables?"

Big Shiny Thor Son of Odin seems like the kind of person to ask what you want and then give you whichever you didn't pick.

"Dishwashing it is," says Thor cheerfully, thus proving that Miguel's assessment is on target.

"Tonight and all tomorrow. Your supervisor will choose what breaks are fair. Come, let me introduce you to your duty stations."

That also means to the waitrat who will be supervising them, a sturdy piebald matriarch with eloquent scolding squeaks and a brandished wooden spoon for any slacking off.

Well, that could be worse. But Tulio is much too narratively aware to say that.

In fact, he makes sure to sigh heavily, just in case Thor decides they aren't sufficiently distressed by their punishment and require more.

Yes, yes, sigh, dishwashing, so terrible, so much worse than mucking out stables. Sigh.

and omg is that a magic rat holding a little wooden spoon?

Miguel winks at her as soon as Thor's back is turned. This place is amazing.

It is. Her name is Buttercup! And she's a formidable taskmistress.

So she doesn't wink back, especially after Thor has explained to her why they're sentenced as they are.

(But charming her will probably result in extra-large lunches on their breaks, if not any lighter workload.)

Anyway, it doesn't really take long to cover here's the sink, here's the soap, here's how you work a faucet, Daisy will show you the rest, Mistress Daisy I leave them in your capable paws.

--Oh. One more thing.

"You will, of course, return all your fraudulent proceeds to their prior owners."

Tulio's face falls. "But-- but--"

"We already gave back some..." Come on, not taking that kid's money should get them off the hook for the rest, right?

Sigh.

"...We will of course return all our fraudulent proceeds to their prior owners," he grumbles down at the floor, scuffing his foot against the corner of the refrigerator. Darn it.

"I'm glad we agree."

Aren't we all so glad that we do!

He tips a friendly wink at Buttercup and Daisy. "Enjoy your new assistants." And with that, in a glitter of armor and a manly muscular space disco viking stride: Thor out.