mjolnir_retriever | (no subject)

(no subject)

Thor is in search of two Very Serious Very Official Bill Collectors From The Landlord.

Last he saw, they were making themselves pretty easy to find.

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Oh. Right.

"We are Miguel and Tulio." You've heard of them, right? No? Sigh. "From Spain," he adds, less dramatically.

So it actually was his name. Half a point to you, Tulio!

"I am from Asgard," Thor supplies. "Not on your Earth."

Sometimes it's weird to be where not everybody knows your name and face! He gets that.

"We are all the Landlord's guests, here. Outside rank and history doesn't matter. All are guests alike, under that hospitality. You understand that impersonating Bar authority in order to defraud fellow patrons is neither honorable nor allowed."

"It was worth a try, though," Tulio mumbles, mostly for Miguel's hearing.

"And it's not as if we--" Ehhh, there's probably no point in arguing. He clears his throat. "Can we throw ourselves upon your mercy?"

Thor could argue that it breaks the rule about outside business, and will if he has to! If he doesn't have to, however, he's going to rely on come on, guys, you know better rather than opening the door to rules lawyering.

So he smiles faintly.

"You can. It's a first offense, and you're new."

"Dishwashing or cleaning stables?"

Tulio looks to Miguel. Neither? Neither would be good.

Really, though, they're not bad at all compared to some punishments they've been threatened with.

Hey, yeah, where's the stocks? The flogging? The branding? The public hanging?

This place is great!

Er, ahem. "...Staaables? We can do stables?"

Big Shiny Thor Son of Odin seems like the kind of person to ask what you want and then give you whichever you didn't pick.

"Dishwashing it is," says Thor cheerfully, thus proving that Miguel's assessment is on target.

"Tonight and all tomorrow. Your supervisor will choose what breaks are fair. Come, let me introduce you to your duty stations."

That also means to the waitrat who will be supervising them, a sturdy piebald matriarch with eloquent scolding squeaks and a brandished wooden spoon for any slacking off.

Well, that could be worse. But Tulio is much too narratively aware to say that.

In fact, he makes sure to sigh heavily, just in case Thor decides they aren't sufficiently distressed by their punishment and require more.

Yes, yes, sigh, dishwashing, so terrible, so much worse than mucking out stables. Sigh.

and omg is that a magic rat holding a little wooden spoon?

Miguel winks at her as soon as Thor's back is turned. This place is amazing.

It is. Her name is Buttercup! And she's a formidable taskmistress.

So she doesn't wink back, especially after Thor has explained to her why they're sentenced as they are.

(But charming her will probably result in extra-large lunches on their breaks, if not any lighter workload.)

Anyway, it doesn't really take long to cover here's the sink, here's the soap, here's how you work a faucet, Daisy will show you the rest, Mistress Daisy I leave them in your capable paws.

--Oh. One more thing.

"You will, of course, return all your fraudulent proceeds to their prior owners."

Tulio's face falls. "But-- but--"

"We already gave back some..." Come on, not taking that kid's money should get them off the hook for the rest, right?

Sigh.

"...We will of course return all our fraudulent proceeds to their prior owners," he grumbles down at the floor, scuffing his foot against the corner of the refrigerator. Darn it.

"I'm glad we agree."

Aren't we all so glad that we do!

He tips a friendly wink at Buttercup and Daisy. "Enjoy your new assistants." And with that, in a glitter of armor and a manly muscular space disco viking stride: Thor out.

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